The Coming of March

Three hundred and fifty-eight days ago, Ryan and I started dating. This means that in seven days we will be celebrating our one year anniversary.

Dear 2009,
Where the heck did you go? Was it really necessary to go by so fast? If you could, please tell 2010 that I am in no rush to see it go. I’m looking forward to savoring every moment of every day, and it would really be beneficial if it did not continue to fly by like January and February did. And, what’s that deal with February? He really got the short end of the stick. Only 28 days? Could I bribe him for three more? Homemade cookies? A basket of bath salts? Circle yes or no.
Love,
Tess

Last night some friends got together to Simplified play, and although we had to wait in a line that was fifty people deep and consequently only got to hear three songs, it was pretty magical. On our second date, Ryan took me to Village Bistro in Ballantyne to see Clee and Sheridan play an acoustic show. And then we went to see them about 734 times after that. Simplified is a staple in our relationship, and in between twirling me around singing along, Ryan said “Doesn’t it feel like we just met?” … and it did and it does and I love it.

Ryan leaves for China on March 6th – the day before our big day – and I’m preparing myself for the heartache that comes with him being across the ocean and traveling elsewhere for nearly the entire month of March. I can’t believe that tomorrow we’ll be back in the month where we started.

Dear March,
Hi. It’s me, Tess. I love you and can’t wait to see you again tomorrow morning. I hope to see many many more of you, too. With different numbers tacked onto your name. You know, like March 2011 and 2023 and even 2037. Do you know someone who could make that happen? Can you tell I'm obsessed with odd numbers? And should I always count on you to be so wonderful? Yes? Okay. Then it’s settled. See you shortly!
Love,
Tess

Rex is taking a tiger snooze in the sun on my bed.  He's a cute kid.  Sundays are good for tiger snoozes - shall we?

T

Today I found this sweet little “T” necklace at Francesca’s in Birkdale. Francesca’s is a cute and reasonably priced boutique filled with jewelry, clothing, purses, and other giftable ditties that will make you smile. I’ve never really cared for the letter “T”, and I’ve always secretly wished that my name started with an “A” or something in that genre of pretty. I mean – who even knows how to make a cursive “T”? Anyone? Yeah, me neither. But today, I decided to embrace my letter and wear it proudly around my neck.

Yes, my hair is in braids. And yes, my layers are too short, so my braids are more like ponytails.

Did you know that my sister is coming over tonight? She is. And I’m pretty excited. Nobody ever ventures all the way up to the lake to visit me, but I just love love love when they do. Maybe we will eat Brixx pizza in Birkdale. Today is just a Birkdale kind of day. Have you been there? It’s a precious little town center that looks small town and happy. It’s what made me want to move here. And so I did. And here I am. Rocking the “T”.

Ride

feels like some kind of ride but it's turning out just to be life going absolutely perfectly

(-Brian Andreas)

You'll love to love story people.

Singing in Silence

Lately I have been driving in silence. I really like it. I’ve always liked the quiet – you know, it’s hard to get away from the ruckus when you have super hero ears. The thirty or so minutes it takes me to drive to and from school is usually spent catching up with friends or family, but occasionally I just sit. I’d say I think, but I don’t think I do. These days, I don’t feel like there is much to think about. Things just seem to be happening happily, and despite a near mental breakdown over driving to Virginia a few weeks ago, my head has been pretty clear. So, as I’m driving in silence, occasionally a line of a song falls out of my mouth. Really, it just falls out. I don’t know where it comes from, but it comes out really loud and kind of terrible sounding because, well, I can’t sing. And then it’s over. One line. That’s all I’ve got.

And then there’s another something that I sing. It’s called road rage. I have a minor case of it. And ever since I’ve been driving in silence, my road rage comes out as a song. For example, last night I was exiting the highway and the car in front of me had his left turn signal on but was driving on the far right of the road. I knew he was going to get off the exit and turn left because that’s what 87% of the people do on this particular exit. But it was taking this car a really long time to make a move … and it irritated me. Mainly because I was about to wet my britches (typical), but the dilly-dallying just seemed excessive under any circumstance. So, instead of using my mean voice and not nice words, I sang – in a man’s opera voice – “Why don’t you get over, you munchkin licker.” This way, in case the driver were to see me call him a munchkin licker, he would have just thought I was singing along to a song, and no birds would have been flipped in my direction. Try it. It’ll maybe make you giggle, too.

Confessions

1) Ryan probably sees these pants more than any other item of clothing that I own. He hates them. I’m sorry, Ryan. They’re just SO comfortable … and so out of season. And so yellow. And so reindeer splattered. I know. I’m sorry.

2) Victoria’s Secret Lip Gloss stash. Need I say more?

3) Six … SIX … 6 of the exact same mascara?! Do you save your old mascara? Why do I? These are being thrown away immediately. I think.

4) Dinner last night: cherry pomegranate yogurt and popcorn. Yum.

Scarf Obsession

I have a borderline unhealthy obsession with scarves. So much so that if I’m not wearing a scarf, a pair of simple stud earrings, and a ring, my day feels totally incomplete. This is part of the reason why I’m dreading summer. How is a girl supposed to rock her scarves in 97 degree weather? Are you thinking that maybe I have a strange growth on my neck – like a snake head or something – that I’m trying to cover up with my scarves? I don't. It’s true. My neck is 100% normal and maybe even could be classified in the above average range depending on how tough of a neck critic you are. I just like scarves, okay? So let’s go ahead and drop the whole “snake head coming out of my neck” bit.

I’ve already told you about my alphabet scarf, but did you know about my closet organizer that holds my 234 other scarves? I don’t really have that many, but my collection seems to expand weekly nowadays.

I got my organizer from IKEA, and although I am pretty satisfied with it, I can’t help but think it could be better. It weighs a ton and with scarves spilling out the sides, top, and bottom, it just takes up SO much room. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe I just need a new closet. My guest room closet houses my wide array of coats, scarves, purses, giraffe luggage, storage boxes, and travel bags, along with my desk chair, vacuum cleaner, and steam iron. That’s a lot. I hate it. It makes me want to cry when I think about it. Also, I want to cry when I think about my two bedroom closets. They’re just impossible. Even color coded by sleeve length, I think they are disastrous.

Dear Wish Granter,
Could you please send me some magic closets? K, thanks.
Love,
Tess

Did you know that this WHOLE entire post was written so that I could show you this scarf that I want from Anthropologie? I love it. But I can’t decide what color.

Basically, I love everything from Anthropologie. I’ll take one of each, please. Luckily, sometimes it is Christmas and your boyfriend buys you some items from there but one sweater has a missing string, so you have to return it, but they don’t have your size, so you sulk for a minute, and then they give you a gift card, and you have had it for close to three months because you want to wait to get something you absolutely LOVE, and I think this is one of those items.

Man Hands

I have brushed my teeth at least 17,520 times in my almost a quarter of a century life. If we’re being honest, it’s probably closer to 26,280 or more because I go through stints of being absolutely obsessed with my teeth. So, I think I have the appropriate amount of practice and know how to apply the proper pressure, hold a toothbrush, not swallow my toothpaste, etc. Also, I am not a particularly strong, big, or muscular person, nor am I a karate master. Unfortunately. So how the heck did this happen in the midst of a recent brushing session?!

Does my super human strength embarrass you? Or are you impressed? How about my purple toothbrush? Is someone playing a joke on me? I hate purple. How could I not recall purchasing or using a purple toothbrush until the day that it snapped in half while clutched in my man hand? This is strange guys. The incident occurred a few days ago, and I have not yet been to Target to find a replacement. Fear not, I didn’t spend the weekend with a dirty mouth. Luckily, my Crest Spinbrush has been able to step in and handle my cleanings since then. Do you still love me – man hands and all? Circle yes or no. Did you notice my “Hi Maintenance” nails?

Yesterday was a beautiful, sunny, decently warm February day, so Ryan and I decided to go on a walk and cook corn on the cob. Cooking corn on the cob has nothing to do with the walk or the nice weather, but it does have kind of a summerish feel to it, right? We had to Google instructions on how to cook our cobs because, well, we didn’t know how. Usually we grill them, and by “we” I mean “he” as in “Ryan”. But we figured this would take too long and we were absolutely famished after our walk – really – we thought we were going to throw up from being so hungry – so we decided to boil them. Are you snickering at us for looking up instructions on how to boil something? We were just looking for the time – boiling water is one of the few things I know how to do. BUT! It actually isn’t quite as simple as I thought it would be. Here is what I learned:

1) Fill a pot halfway with water.
2) Bring the water to a ____ boil. I think the word is “roaring” or “rolling” boil? I like to use the word “roar” as often as possible because it reminds me of kitties and dinosaurs, so I chose that one and let my water ROAR!
3) Add cobs of corn and return to a roar-type boil.
4) Turn off the burner.
5) Put the lid on the pot.
6) Forget about the corn and the pot and the roaring water – which should no longer be roaring – for 15 minutes.
7) Eat your corn cobs.

So, see, aren’t you glad we Googled? I am! Who knew boiling corn would be a seven stepper!

Are you wondering where we went on our walk? We went to the Wachovia building to look at the rendering of the Duke Energy building. Actually we went in there so I could use the loo. You really can’t take me anywhere. It’s embarrassing. And all of the public restrooms were locked … because it was the weekend – and you know, people don’t have to pee on Sundays. So I tried not to have a panic attack and then a kind security man showed me where there was a secret unlocked bathroom. You had to go up four stairs, through the uphill rainbow hallway, down the escalator, around a bend, and then it would be on your left. (Just in case you ever need to find it). And then we went to the Duke Energy building that looks like a giant can opener. It’s new.

Black Eyed Peas

Here's what we thought about the Black Eyed Peas concert.  Obviously we were much more into ourselves than the
F to the E, R, G, the I, the E.

Twas fun.  End.

Polished

On Thursday I treated myself to a much needed manicure and pedicure. I went to Polished on South Boulevard because my sister and I had been there once before and I thought it was fabulous. They serve you wine and you sit at a trendy little bar while you soak your hands in exotic scrubs and gossip with your neighbor about gray being the new black in nail polish. So, it turns out that the place I went is actually not the place that my sister and I went. Not at all. But this shouldn’t surprise you considering how awful I am with directions and remembering places that I have been.

The two guys that worked there picked out my polish color – “Hi Maintenance” by Essie – they said it was the best. The best out of like 973 colors … how could I pass it up?

I Google everything.  Really.

How do you like your nails shaped?  When they asked me, I confidently said “short.” I thought maybe we were experiencing some kind of language barrier because he kept saying “okay, what shape?” And then, miraculously, my kindergarten education came back to me, and I realized that “short” is not a shape. Did you know? So then I said “square” and then “… with rounded edges” and then “mmm … rounder” and “yeah, a little rounder than that” … and then I just shut my mouth because I knew I should have just said “round” from the beginning. Lessons learned on Thursday night:

1) I like my nails really short and round. But what they consider “round” is actually “shapeless” in my book.
2) Don’t hold, feed, cuddle, swaddle, or do anything with a baby right after you get your nails painted. They will crease and crinkle and you will experience a small level of sadness, but, fret not, that will quickly be overcome by baby bliss and you will simply carry on.
3) I should get manicures more often. Probably close to a zillion hangnails were removed from my precious little fingers. It was pretty gross.

Tonight we are going to see Black Eyed Peas. I'll be sure to tell Fergie and Ludicris you said hello.  And I’m glad my nails are “Hi Maintenance” pink … even though they are not quite so perfect looking anymore.

Oh, Hey Cupcake!

I owe a lot of my happiness in Charlotte to my best friend Ashley (AB). She is certainly one of the sweetest people I have ever come across in my life, and she would give you her favorite pair of shoes or her last cupcake if she thought it would make you happy. She probably would not give you her dog, but that’s because she is the only one who knows how to deal with Bailey’s “specialness” and his love for running away. Today is AB’s birthday, the second one we have celebrated together, and she is blessed with lovely friends who are traveling from Virginia to be with her on this big day. Ashley loves cupcakes, shopping, cleaning, and Victoria’s Secret lip gloss.  She is all “girl” but really down to earth and lots of fun, which is why I really like her. She wakes up looking fabulous and is always the prettiest person in the room. She has eyes to die for and is the queen of liquid eyeliner. Ashley has an adorable guest room with two twin beds and she stores her shoes in an immaculate closet system fit for a princess. (Lucky me that we have the same size feet!) She is a good listener, a hard worker, and a great e-mailer, which is how we spend most of our days. Ashley loves to dance and always knows all of the new songs before they become popular. I’m so happy to have her in my life – I really couldn’t imagine stumbling upon a better person than AB. So I wish her a happy happy day, filled with lots of love and birthday surprises. Tonight we will gather for an evening of love and laughter – I can’t wait to help her celebrate!

Sending the Ocean

Ryan sent me the ocean this morning. It made me really happy. He is currently in Miami and this is the view he woke up to:

I love it. I love the ocean. I love that he emailed me and simply said “I sent you the ocean”. I love that he is coming home today! And I love that we get to babysit baby Alekzander tonight. Today will be good, and everyone will be happy.  (That is a demand ... please.)  This is my view from the office this morning. I often forget that it is here, but I love when I remember:

I think I'll go send him the lake.

Pigeon

Image from Google Images

Last night I met the funniest little pigeon. His name was Pigeon, and he wanted a puppy. If you haven’t read this book, you really need to. It reminded me a lot of my mom wanting her C-A-T. And this morning, when I googled Pigeon Wants A Puppy, I found out that Pigeon actually has a lot of books about doing lots of different things … like driving a bus:

Image from Google Images

Also, while I was at Target (first trip of the week), I left my headlights on. As I was walking out, someone was writing down my license plate number, so I just walked around the parking lot for a minute until he was done. I didn’t want him to know that I was the idiot who left her lights on. And then they would have called my license plate number over the loud speaker, and I would have been embarrassed, and they probably did it anyway, but I wasn’t embarrassed because I wasn’t in there to hear it. Plus, I have NO idea what my license plate number is, so it wouldn’t have done any good anyway.  Don't you just love the pigeon?  (Don't think about the way "pigeon" is spelled.  It will make you throw up.)

My Lovely Love Weekend

I really love loving these girls. They’re the sweetest things and such wonderful friends - I feel so lucky to be able to surround myself with their laughter and kindness, even if it is only once or twice a year. We are all so different, and it is such an adventure when we all get together to celebrate the birthdays and weddings and babies that seem to keep popping up.

Even though it is Tuesday, I’m still stuck in my memories of this weekend . So many amazing things happened in my short 48 hours of worklessness that I haven’t quite had the chance to take it all in. Surely, though, it was one of my favorites in a long long time. Here are some little scoops of what happened:

• On Friday night, we get lots of snow that I didn't really think would come. I pack and head to Ryan’s in unsafe driving conditions.
• I wake up at 3am and text my plane to see if it has been delayed. Did you know you can text your plane? You can, and it will text you back too!
• According to the plane, everything is good to go, so I wake up at 5 and prepare myself for the day.
• Ryan drops me off at the airport after a car ride spent talking about gas prices. We are old.
• My plane texts me right after I go through security and tells me there is an hour delay. Ugh.
• I eat a yogurt parfait and drink water while talking to my sister, Stacey, and Meghan. I love my early rising friends! Thanks for entertaining me while I waited.
• I land in Richmond and Sarah and Siobhan pick me up and we waste about 30 minutes trying to find a Starbucks.
• I see the girls and we chit chat and eat more yogurt and head to the baby shower.
• We shower Mandy and her twins with love and gifts and such.
• Back at Mandy’s, we order four pizzas, eat them, sort baby gifts, organize baby closets, and say our goodbyes.
• On Valentine’s Day, Mandy and I wake up and get coffee and hard bagels and I get to the airport just in time to board my plane.
• Ryan picks me up at 10:30am and we have our best first Valentine’s Day ever.
• We see the movie Valentine’s Day (appropriate for the holiday) at Mez and I was a big girl and drank my wine in the movie theater without having to eat any goldfish.
• We eat a late lunch and take a tiger snooze and then I leave that night to prepare myself for the work week.
• The end.

Do you know what a tiger snooze is? It’s just a snooze … that tigers do. Similar to a cat nap, but a little larger, and with stripes. Ryan and I enjoyed talking about them on Sunday. It was a good day. We were happy. And in love. And that’s how it should be. We took a picture of these birds in Mez because we would like to have them. Maybe in black. And on a different wall – preferably one that we will some day own.

Wish

Happy birthday to my favorite Cornelius friend, Krista! I love Krista because she is considerate and honest and loves her husband lots. She also has great hair, loves animals, and looked like a super model on her wedding day. Rex thinks that Krista is his girlfriend, and he just can’t get enough of her when she comes over to play. Krista likes chai tea lattes with skim milk, and whole grain bagels with hazelnut cream cheese from Panera, just like me! Isn’t she so pretty?

Rex and I wish you the happiest of happy birthdays, Krista! And don’t forget to make a wish! If you believe in wishes, it will come true!

Sugary Sunday

"I'll love you, dear, I'll love you till China and Africa meet and the river jumps over the mountain and the salmon sing in the street."   - W.H. Auden

It’s the day of love and pink and frills and chocolates. Typically, Valentine’s Day is not my favorite, but my feelings for it are growing fonder, and it certainly helps to have someone to spend it with. As I sat at my big girl desk cutting out tiny little hearts – and some really big ones too – it brought me back to the days of taping paper bag mailboxes to our seats and collecting valentines in elementary school. I still love to deliver valentines to all of my loved ones, but there was nothing more satisfying than gluing “B-e M-i-n-e” on the valentine I made for Ryan. We’ve already baby stepped our way to the beginnings of our happily ever after, and today is just another opportunity to live sweetly and celebrate each other.  I hope you are able to spend this sugary Sunday with people you love.

I love this guy:

Can you believe that he loves me back?

Baby Love

This morning I flew to Richmond to visit my lovely friend Mandy to shower her with baby love. She is expecting identical twin girls, Zoey Grace and Lillianah Rae, and I couldn’t be happier for her and Lonnie. Their family of two is about to double in size, and we need to make sure she is well prepared for the girls’ arrival. I love Mandy because she laughs really hard, talks really fast, is always so full of energy, and because her dad always sent her back to school with lots of cheese and other snacks. She taught me how to speak "back talk" (maybe it is called "double talk"?), which makes me giggle, but is a lesson for another day.  I also love her because she adds “cat” to everyone’s name. You know, like “Jenny Cat” and “Sioby Cat” and “Nellie Cat”. I’m very excited to see all the cats and visit with the mommy-to-be.  The girls braved the Baltimore and DC snow storms to get here, and I'm so excited for all of us to be together again - even if it is for a brief 24 hours.  Here are some of the cats on their last trip to Mandy's:

I ordered Zoey and Lillianah these sweet baby hats, embroidered in pink and orange (the colors of their nursery), from Mrs. McKenzie on Etsy. She even featured them on her website!  If you haven't shopped on Etsy, you really need to start.

Zoey and Lillianah are also getting precious little pink and orange pajamas with bumblebee toes, because what little girl can have a hat without a matching outfit? And, of course, they needed pink towels with panda bear hoods! I can’t want to meet these little angels. I just love love loves babies. And TWINS! How fun!

Moccasins

Today I wore my moccasins to work because I was feeling blue and thought that maybe they would help me make it through the day. Oh, is it not socially acceptable to wear them in public? Nobody sees my feet anyway, but I wore my black and white heart socks just in case they do. Don’t worry – my jeans cover up my socks and almost all of the shoes except for the toe, so it is fine. Plus, moccasins are cool, and recently my boyfriend told me I was “at one with nature”, so I’m just proving that to everyone else.

Did you notice the flour on the left one? That’s because I baked last night. It is Valentine’s Day weekend, after all. My friend Ashley B has an apron and will make the perfect little wife one day. I think I need an apron, too. My only apron requirements are that it should have ruffles and pockets. Have you crafted your valentine a valentine yet? You should probably go ahead and get on that.

Did you want to see some pictures of my mom’s Valentine’s Day gift? Okay! He went through an official name change and is now Mr. Tank Slyse Ovitch (TSO), aka Slyson Dice. Don’t you love him?  He is obviously feeling very comfortable in his new home, lounging lazily in the sun with the mermaid and sea shells.

Rex loves his new uncle and can't wait to send him some mail.  Rex writes funny letters.  I hope Tank likes to write back.

Illegal Dream Sharing

I’m not sure if there is some unwritten rule about sharing other people’s dreams, but if there is, I’m going to go ahead and break it. I love dreams, and I think they are a testament to our wild and vivid imaginations that we may have forgotten we still have. Last night, Ryan told me about a dream that made me want to giggle and clap my hands. I was kind of jealous of his dream, because I always find mine very entertaining, but his surely takes the cake in this round. Here is my version of what he told me:

I had an older brother (Major Nelson, is that you?), who traded penny stocks and made a lot of money really early in his life. He was single and decided to buy a nice place that was brand new, just built, never lived in, spic, span, and shining. Well, it turned out not to be what he had hoped for, so he was going to be featured on an HGTV show and then he was going to buy the place right next door. Apparently this newer new location was just perfect for my brother and all of his dogs. Oh, you didn’t know he had dogs? Well he did, and he really loved them, too. Everywhere you went in his immaculate new house, there was water for the dogs. And I don’t mean water like tap water in a bowl, I mean pools and fountains and hot tubs, galore!  My brother really loved his dogs, and his dogs really loved water. Obviously. And so we visited my brother in his new home, and we just love love loved it (I added that part in – I’m not sure how we really felt about the doggy water park house). Although his place was brand new, there was some sort of insect problem out in the covered garage area that didn’t have walls – this is where the hot tubs were. While Ryan was out there, he got bit by a bug. You know, the kind that turn your skin purple? We didn’t know much about them, but he showed his purple thumb to his mom (who was at my brother’s house for unknown reasons), and she dismissed it and told him not to worry. A little later when his whole hand was a bright, crayola-marker purple, his mom said, “Okay, I think you should probably go to the hospital now”. The end.

Don’t you love it? Did you giggle and clap your hands? When he told me about it, I didn’t provide him with the appropriate response (example: giggling and/or clapping of hands), but I was really tickled when I thought about it again this morning. Also, after sitting at work for 8 hours and then sitting in class for 3 hours, I think it is excusable to have a 12 hour delayed reaction. And did you think of Golden Retrievers?  Me too!

Important announcement: Slyson Dice is coming home today! My dad said, “Yes, you may get that feline friend for Valentine’s Day!” And so she is.

Boot Help for Spring Nostalgia

I should know better than to order two pairs of boots and think that I would be able to send one back. Help?

Images from Zappos.com. (The second pair is much more gray in real life.)

It’s Wednesday, which means our week is halfway over. Ryan’s flag football team won the championship game last night, and although I wasn’t there to support him, I’m very proud of my QB and his fancy strategizing. Do I sound like I know what I’m talking about? I don’t. I’m just 89% sure that he is the quarterback and thinks up all the plays for his team. Way back when, I visited the Panthers Stadium to watch his team play in a big, confusing tournament. He was playing on two different teams and I could never keep track of him, but once in a while he’d run up into the stands and give me a quick kiss on the top of the head. It was a happy weekend because we were so new and I had no idea what his favorite ice cream is or how he folds his shirts or that we would be spending the next very long time together. My sister and my sweet friend Kellie accompanied me to the games and we soaked up vitamin D on the first two sunny days in April. Maybe a few minutes of football were watched, but we mainly hid behind big sunglasses and talked about girly things like boys and love and sunburns.

I can’t believe how quickly time is passing. I’m certainly not trying to rush it away, but those April sunrays will be back before we know it. And as much as I say I’m not ready for spring and summer, maybe I am just a little nostalgic for the warmer weather and all the fun that comes with it. Plus, Kellie is moving back, and that makes my heart really happy!

China Pea Secrets

Someone called me last night at 10:15, 1:09, 1:10, and 2:12. Was it you? Please stop. I really love my ten hours of sleep, and I clocked out around 9:30, hoping to be bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning. While I was stressing about serial killers calling me in the middle of the night, I realized that it was a good thing that I am not The Princess – you know, the one with The Pea. I sleep with my cell phone – which I use for an alarm in the morning - right smack under the center of my pillow, and I can’t even feel a thing. My royal head must not be so royal after all. (And please do not chop it off to see if my blood is blue.) My alarm is soft and sweet, and if Rex doesn’t lick my face a jillion times before it goes off, I wake up to the pleasant sounds of China. Then I brew a pot of Oolong tea and crack open my morning fortune cookie. That last sentence isn’t true. I think Oolong tea tastes like death sticks, but I would like to somehow arrange to get a fortune read to me every morning. Maybe there is some kind of subscription I can sign up for that will text me a daily fortune like: “Today you shall wear a raincoat.” I wish I got that one this morning because I just went to fetch my super sassy metal water bottle from my car, and it is pouring outside so I opted for a gross Styrofoam cup instead. Lately I have insatiable thirst, and these disappointing little Styrofoam cups only hold about 4.7 sips.

I don’t think I’m going to find my daily fortune provider, but Post Secret is a weekly secret provider, which I love. I think you should know about it and follow it with me (I placed the link in the sidebar so you won’t forget). Every Sunday, Frank posts new secrets that have been anonymously mailed to him. I think it is a really fantastic project, and I love the simplicity of the idea and how big it has become. He has four or so books as well, and plays a large role in suicide prevention and awareness, which is also really fantastic. I think maybe we should all send in a secret. I’ve always wanted to, but never thought I had any good secrets. Then I realized a secret can be silly or serious, yellow or red, one fish, two fish ... anything you want it to be! Are you in? Make your 4x6 secret postcard and mail it to:

Post Secret
13345 Copper Ridge Rd
Germantown, Maryland  20874

And don’t look for my punch-out alphas, because I will not be using them on my secret. I knew you were thinking I would. Should we have a deadline to mail our secrets? No? Okay. At your leisure, then.

Zappos and Slyson Dice

Today I am wearing my new alphabet scarf, and it fills my heart with joy and makes me feel like I could take on a classroom full of kindergarteners. When my sister was in kindergarten, she drew a picture of me and wrote a short story that went something like this: “This is my sister Tessa. I would not trade her for a dog.” Isn’t she sweet?

Yesterday I ordered a pair of boots from Zappos. Have you ever ordered anything from there? So far, I am very pleased with their level of customer service, especially since they sent me an email at 3:15am that said: “Your order with Zappos.com has shipped! YAY! We've enclosed some tracking information, so you can follow your order from our warehouse to its final destination! It's almost like being a superspy!” I really appreciate that they knew I would appreciate them saying “YAY!” … and who wouldn’t want to be a superspy? So, today I ordered another pair of boots. Yikes. I’m going to return one pair, but you know how when they send you a email showing you what you ordered, and then you click on the picture and look at them from every angle again and think about all of the fantastic outfits you are going to create with them? Well, I didn’t really get that feeling this morning. So I kept looking, and with their free shipping (both ways!), I figured I didn’t have anything to lose by ordering another pair to take home with me to play. Hopefully I’ll love love love one pair and feel okay about sending the others back.

Once a week, I like to drink a warm, low calorie, orange flavored Gatorade. Today is that day. Today is also the day to wear my $1.50 elephant ring.

Does my index fingernail look dirty? Gross. It's not. I obsessively clean my nails like a zillion times a day with a special tool (okay, it's a knife) that I keep in my drawer. 

About the elephant - I don’t know her well enough to give her a name (I’m thinking Betsy?), but I do have an owl necklace named Mildred. Did you know that my dad told my mom she is allowed to get her C-A-T?! It’s true! If she decides to get the C-A-T, I think she should name him Slyson, and she can call him Sly, or Son, and I’m going to call him Slyson Dice. Do you think people ever take their babies home from the hospital and then decide, after a week or so, that they don’t like the name they picked out? Is there a special form to fill out if this happens?

Our Eleventh Seventh

I think you should make this summer salad to cheer you up a little. Here’s what you need: 4 tomatoes, a cucumber, buffalo mozzarella, oil & vinegar, salt & pepper. Chop, mix, then eat. It’s very good. Maybe you don’t need cheering up, but I think you should probably make it anyway.

Even though I ate this salad twice in 24 hours, I still could use just a smidge more cheer. Today is one of those “blah” days, but for no reason at all. Sometimes that just happens. So I sit in silence and stay in bed and allow myself to be miserable until I snap out of it. No reason to worry – it’s almost over. I bought myself a new scarf with the alphabet on it, and that helped a lot. I love the alphabet and I love scarves, so it seemed like the perfect $9 treat on this bummy Sunday. Also, John Mayer is on CSI right now, which is interesting.

Today is our eleven month anniversary and the super bowl. Ryan said eleven gets no love because it is so close to twelve. And it’s true. Twelve is big and we have big plans that involve airplanes, which are very exciting. Here’s what we did to celebrate our eleventh seventh: ate Junior Mints, had coffee, did some online shopping, played Phase 10 backwards, and watched the beginning of the Illinois basketball game. I did all of this with a poopy attitude and a blanket wrapped around my head.

Dear Ryan,
I’m so so sorry for being so miserable today.
Love,
Me

Now I am home, and Rex insisted on playing a quick game of fetch, which made me laugh a little. Oh! One really wonderful thing happened this morning – I lost 20 pounds! Yep, twenty! Here’s how to lose 20 pounds in twelve hours:

1) Tap the scale with your right foot to turn it on.
2) Get on the scale before it is ready.
3) Voilà! You are now 20 pounds lighter.

The Deal

I made a deal with Ryan that I might regret. He has some pictures I want and I have a blog that he is curious about – so he gives me the pictures, I give him the link. The agreement was made, hands were shook, and we were on our way. Fair? Maybe. But I thought I had a good week or two until the pictures would be delivered. Not so much. Mr. Taylor proved to be more technologically savvy than he gave himself credit for, and there they were in my inbox this morning. So the trade has officially occurred. Do you think he’ll think I’m too crazy for him? Please console me if I turn up single tomorrow.

Also, last night Ashley brought me a Mento (one little Mento – not even a pink one) because she was feeling guilty about what went down back in the 90s. I took it as a peace offering and tasted her chocolate wine, which was very good, by the way. We played a game that can't remember the name of, and I didn’t pout at all. Ashley only pouted once, but rightfully so when her chocolate wine was spilled. I won the game - hence, no pouting - and I don’t even think I cheated. Okay, maybe I did, but it was only a few times, and it was with Ashley.  I was her Goldfish provider, and she was obligated to give me insider information if she wanted more tasty little cheddar flavored sea creatures.  It's true.  We signed a contract and everything.

Ryan and I are staying in tonight. I am very pleased with this decision because I’ve been wearing yoga pants for over 24 hours and I would really hate to ruin that streak. We only have two more episodes of US of Tara, which makes me terribly sad because I hate when good things are over. Like yogurt ... that last bite is heart breaking.  Don't you agree?

Five February Favorite Finds

Happy Friday, February the Fifth! (Fifth is such an ugly word - it reminds me of buck teeth and filth and witches.) To celebrate all of the Fs that are going on today, I thought I’d share my Five Favorite February Finds. Now, I know that there have only been five shopping days so far, but maybe you don’t know what I am capable of. Take a gander, and then scurry along to purchase the following items:

1) Vaseline Intensive Care Total Moisture Lotion ($2.99 Target)
2) 5 Pack Multi-Color Heart Socks ($4.50 Forever 21)
3) Long Sleeve Layering Tees ($5.99 - $9.99 Kohl’s)
4) L’Oreal Revitalift Day Cream ($11.99 Target)
5) Green Giant Simply Steam Digestive Health ($1.00 Lowe’s Foods)

#1,4,5 borrowed from Google images.  #2 borrowed from F21.  #3 borrowed from Kohl's.

This morning I had a crazy dream about getting arrested for wearing a gray and black tie-dyed spandex one-piece outfit on a Sunday. Did you know that you aren’t allowed to wear spandex on Sundays? It’s true. It's illegal and you’ll get a ticket and you’ll have to go to court. And you’ll be in a strange city with no other clothes to change into, so you’ll have to go to court in that very same outfit. Luckily, court was open that Sunday, and all of the ladies who worked there thought my outfit was super cute. And they thought it was ridiculous for the cop to have written me a ticket. The judges thought it was silly too, so all I had to do was pay $66 and the charges were dropped. Also, they let me cut a bunch of people in line because I was “single” and the judges had been dealing with married people all day. If you were wondering, I was wearing a cardigan over the spandex outfit, and it covered my bum. That’s the golden rule of spandex: always cover your bum. And I was also wearing a belt. So, there.

My Catless Mother

My mom wants a C-A-T. My dad says N-O. This is a dilemma because when Markovitch girls want something, we really want it and we can’t stop thinking about it and can’t sleep because we are thinking about it and when we can sleep we are dreaming about it and then when we wake up we are really sad because we don’t have it but we dreamed we did. And it all happens really fast like that and we really can’t breathe until we have it. And so we get it. And usually it’s just a pair of jeans or Victoria’s Secret boots or a laptop that we can’t stop thinking about, but sometimes it is a C-A-T that we really can't have.

My mom doesn’t want any old C-A-T, she wants a specific C-A-T that is conveniently located at the animal rescue center near her home. He is big and gray and two or three years old.

Sometimes this C-A-T makes special trips to the pet store with high hopes of being adopted, but it never happens. And this C-A-T, the poor thing, all he can think about is getting adopted, and he can’t stop thinking about it and can’t sleep because he is thinking about it and when he can sleep he is dreaming about it and then when he wakes up he is really sad because he is still sitting in his cage. Alone. And hungry. And cold. So, my mom really needs this C-A-T so she can show him what a nice home is like. He would have lots of friends at home, like two D-O-G-S and a B-I-R-D and a mom and a dad, too. He would also have a Tessa and a Rex that would write him letters and send him snacks in the mail.

I think that if this C-A-T showed up at my mom’s doorstep, she would be the happiest little lady in the world. I will have Rex contact him so they can work out an escape route.

UD on FB & US of T

Last night I was really into acronyms. They’re fun and easy and Stacey and I used to be able to have conversations this way. It would happen like this:

S: Do you want to go to the M? We need some C.
Me: Oh, yeah we do need some C! Hmm. WT?
S: AC around 4.
Me: Okay! NT is on tonight too. DF!

(Do you want to go to the market? We need some coffee. Oh, yeah we do need some coffee! Hmm. What time? After class around 4. Okay! Nip/Tuck is on tonight too. Don’t forget!)

We can also sing entire songs in acronyms. I love Stacey because she is silly. And because she’s going to have lots of babies who will one day grow up and say "Wow, our mom was really silly." And they’ll be really silly too, because that is just what happens. The world can never have too many sillies.

So, about this Urban Dictionary thing on Facebook … I’m not usually crazy about Facebook and all of the status update trends, but this one made me giggle. Here is what you do: go to Urban Dictonary and type your first name in the “look up” box. What does it say? Mine says:

Tessa: derived from the word "asset" (spelled backwards) representing a princess who is loved by everyone, and has already found her knight in shining armor.

How did they know!? Here are some truths about UD's definition of Tessa:

1) In 9th grade, I ran for VP of the freshman class and gave a speech that was kind of silly and centered on how my name spelled backwards is “asset”.
2) My mom is the self-proclaimed “Queen of Quite A Lot”, and therefore I must have some sort of princess status.
3) Wow! Everyone loves me? I am so flattered.
4) I have found my knight in shining armor!
5) I do believe in fairytales!

Another UD definition is:

Tessa: from the ancient Greek term meaning "one who likes to accessorize."

This is also true - especially with scarves and rings. But, just FYI, UD has a lot of typos and misspellings and I’m pretty sure that this is not scholary accurate information that they are providing. (And some are not so appropriate - so be warned.)  Nevertheless, I’d love to hear what your name means. And do you believe in fairy tales and happily ever afters? Circle yes or no.

Also, have you seen United States of Tara? Do you have STOD (Showtime On Demand)? Me neither … but maybe your boyfriend or SO (significant other) has it? If so, I have a list of shows for you to watch, and US of T is near the top of it. It’s about a lady with multiple personalities, but it is hilarious and awkward and not sad – except episode 8 which made me cry last night. The new season starts March 22, so I suggest starting the first season now. Go ahead. You know you want to.

My Brother Major Nelson

When is the last time you watched I Dream of Jeannie? And did you love it? And did you know that Jeannie spelled her name like that? I didn’t. Thank goodness for Google!

Every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, I pack up my purse and put on my jacket to head home for a quiet hour of lunch with Rex-a-roni (my mom calls him that). Today was a good day for both Rex and I because he got to eat tortilla chips that I dumped on the ground, and I found $100 in my kitchen drawer! Do you keep $100 bills in your kitchen drawer? I try not to make a habit of it, but sometimes it just happens. Like when your parents give you Christmas money and you put it away for a rainy day and you totally forget about it. That’s what happened to me, and I am feeling very pleased with myself for not spending it foolishly. So this weekend, I will probably go and spend it foolishly. Imagine all the fantastic treats I can get!

Were you wondering how I Dream of Jeannie comes into play? Well, Rex and I watched it during lunch while we ate our tortilla chips and steamed vegetables. Confession: I think Major Nelson is really cute! In fact, I think that if my sister was a boy, that’s what she would look like. And she would also be an astronaut … obviously.

I really like my sister. I would pay $100 cash for her because I think she is fantastic and sometimes really funny. And I’m glad she isn’t a boy, even though that would mean Mr. Nelson would have been my brother, and I would have had Jeannie as my sister-in-law. Are Mr. Nelson and Jeannie even married, or are they just shacking up?

Ashley makes a superb sassy face.  Don't you agree?  Also, please don’t compare our noses - I obviously got the short end of the stick.

The Saying

I know you didn't know what I was talking about yesterday, so here is a visual:

(Borrowed From Google Images)