Last night I realized that I do not have enough body parts to yoga. About halfway through class, our instructor told us to place all four paws on our mats, forming and upside-down V with our bodies. Then we were to take our right arm and thread it through our left armpit and place our right hand upside down on the floor on the left side of our body. Next we lowered our right shoulder and smooshed the right side of our faces into the mat. Our booties are high in the sky still, and we are to lift our right leg back and then bring it in to rest, parallel with the front edge of the mat, under our chest. And then, we can lift our left legs and let it rest on our left elbow and press our ribcage to our right thigh. Ummm. And I think it was even more complicated than that. And people fell over. And laughed. And I think our instructor tooted once. He was a small man. But small people toot, too. I don’t judge. Plus, I have a pimple right in the middle of my forehead. Like a unicorn.
So, even though I’m not equipped with enough limbs, I did realize that I am very good at standing still on one leg. I think this is because I spent many hours of my life standing like a flamingo – with my left foot on the inside of my right knee – while drying dishes. Here is what I think about yoga: I like it, but I wanted to like it more. I will not cross it off of the list, but once a week is enough for me. I’m going to give it a few more tries with different instructors and maybe I will learn to love it more. Also, people clapped for me after I completed my first yoga class, and if they keep that up, well then obviously I'll keep coming back!
If you were wondering what my favorite tiger snack is, it is: sliced roma tomatoes with buffalo mozzarella. I ate it last night after we walked to The Teeter to purchase it – and toilet paper. Come to find out, I use about 97% of Ryan’s toilet paper and I should probably start a TP4RP fund. You know, “Toilet Paper for Ryan’s Place”. My dad’s name is Buffalo. Did you know? He also goes by Gruffalo now too. You can call him whatever you want though. Sometimes he will answer, and sometimes he will not. He would make me tomatoes and cheese, layer them nicely on a plate, and deliver them to me if I wanted him to. Because he is great like that. He would probably even make me a loaf of homemade bread to go with it. Would your Gruffalo do that for you? I bet not. Mine wins. The end.