The day Ryan told Rex that he was getting fat and I took it as a way of Ryan telling me I was getting fat was yesterday. The F word (fat) just isn’t a word that is allowed to be used ever. Never. Even if, and maybe especially if, you are just talking about your girlfriend's beloved cat. Because, quite frankly, we are crazy. Crazy town crazy. So I spent my evening doing the YouTube version of “8 Minute Abs” over and over and over again. I really only did it twice. And then I thought I was going to vom.
So now that I am all skinny again – because I’ve done my 16 minutes of light exercise for the year – I’ve developed a complex about my workout attire. After admiring my soon-to-be rock hard abs, Ryan made some choice comments about my neon mesh Champion shorts that “are from the 80s”. Actually, there was no admiring, and there will be no rock hard abs probably ever, and – for your information – my 1985 neon mesh Champion shorts were actually purchased three days ago. Three days. Brand new. From Marshall’s. For $5.99. With the approval of my mother! Who, by the way, birthed me in 1985. AND, because I also wore them yesterday (don’t judge), I know that my friends are not embarrassed to be in public with me when I wear them. At least not embarrassed enough to make me sit in the car while they go on a walk through Freedom Park.
Unrelated, I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to Draw Something. And I’m pretty Ryan is considering kicking me to the curb – my fat cat perched on my shoulder, no abs, wearing brand new but outdated clothing, and playing Pictionary on my iPhone.
(Please note: I do not really think that I am fat. My cat is actually one pound overweight. We are seeking counseling for the body image problems that Ryan has created for him. And I’m considering a 12 step program for my Draw Something addiction.)