Snowy Sunday Sleep Demons

This weekend was an unnecessary reminder of why I don’t like snow. It’s cold and wet and leaves me stuck inside. Maybe I was a little more miserable than I really needed to be, but my Saturday was sad and lonely and I was pathetically unmotivated. Rex was extra snuggly though; we did a lot of napping, hiding under the blankets, and watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I had hopes of the roads being safer this morning, but I never left my house to find out. Instead, I had a sweet visitor who came bearing coffee, groceries, and hugs. Ryan must have known what I was craving, because he brought everything my little heart (and belly) desired: cookies, tomatoes, cucumbers, milk, pineapple-orange juice, colby-jack cheese, and goldfish. Now my refrigerator actually looks like someone is living here. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Despite my itches to get out of the house, we decided to stay in and be lazy – something we are both very good at – especially on Sundays. Eight hours actually went by really fast, and as the sun is setting, we are slowly fading too. Our morning started around 10:30 with spilled coffee and Google searches of sleep demons. Then we moved on to watching the movie Clue – easily in my top three favorite movies of all time. Have you seen it? I’d tell you that you should, but I’m pretty sure Ryan hated nearly every second of it, so my sense of humor and film rating criteria may be slightly off. We also played Phase 10 (can you tell this is the only game I own?) and I lost twice, but I think I was a pretty good sport about it. Ryan only gave me a redo once, and that was because he got a run of 900 (okay, maybe ten) in the hand that he was dealt. One time, at my sister’s, I went and pouted on the couch in the other room and told everyone I quit playing and never wanted to play again and almost started crying because I messed up and forgot to lay down my cards. It was the first time Ryan and I had played cards together and I’m surprised he is still dating me. Have you seen those “Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake” signs? Well Ryan had conveniently ran to Starbucks to get me a chai tea latte and brought back cupcakes, so maybe I should have thought about that saying pre-pout. I mean, how often do you really have a cupcake handy? Ashley and I are just not very good game players. I believe she did some excessive grumping during that same game too. Neither of us is particularly competitive, but something really makes us whine and cry when it comes to losing board games and cards. My mom claims that we have both been like that since we were three, and she hoped it was something we would outgrow. Now we are 24 and 27 … do you think it is too late?

I think Ryan must have brought one of his sleep demons with him when he came over, because Rex has been spooked all day. He’s been hopping backwards, jumping three feet in the air, playing war games with my slippers (moccasins from the little boy’s section at Target), and avoiding the couch at all costs. So, here is a letter to the sleep demon:

Dear Mr. Sleep Demon,

 Please leave my house. I don’t really want you here and my cat does not particularly care for you either. I think you are under the couch, and this is actually a very unsafe place for sleep demons (or so I’ve heard). Did you notice that my cat is black? Oh, well he is, which means he is a basement cat and has a little demon in him too. Also, he has a skull collar, so I think he automatically wins this battle. In conclusion, if you could please remove yourself from this location, we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for your cooperation.

Love,
Tess

Requesting a Snow Bagel

I really hate packing. I always bring way too much and never use half of it, but I think it is better to have options than not. For example, I brought four pairs of flats, two pairs of boots, three pairs of heels, running shoes, and flip flops … just in case. If you were wondering, I brought 86 pounds of things with me to Kiawah. 86 pounds for three days. That’s 28.6 pounds per day and then I had to come home and unpack. Unpacking may be worse than packing, but I think my dislike for them is pretty equal. I was very pleased that we decided to come back home yesterday afternoon, because getting home at 7:00 left me plenty of time to unpack and catch up with my mom and my sweet friend Heather. Also, getting home at 7:00 worked out perfectly, because a neighbor was getting home at the same time and offered to carry up two of my three suitcases. I love living on the third floor – it has many perks like vaulted ceilings and nobody walking around on your head – but carrying over 80% of your body weight in giraffe printed luggage up and down the stairs is no bueno.

It feels good to be unpacked, and now I have the whole day to spend as I please. Here is what I please:

1) Go to Panera for a bagel and coffee.
2) Spend some time and maybe some money in Target.
3) Call my sister.
4) Take a nap with Rex. (Oh, I have left Target at this point. Although I love it, I do not wish to nap there. And do you bring your cat to Target?)
5) Visit Ryan, order Pita Pit, play Phase 10, and watch US of Tara.

Did you know it is snowing here? It is. So, what I please and what I am actually going to do are going to be quite different. I’m pretty sure I’ll be stuck inside all day, which makes me really sad. I love relaxing, but I think I’ve had enough of that and I am ready to get out and be productive. I also have no food in my house, and I’m going to have to survive this blizzard on water, plain pasta, and cat snuggles. Speaking of, Rex has his first snow experience this morning. He took about five steps out the back door and decided that sitting inside and watching Penguins of Madagascar was a much better option. We were really watching that this morning – he only watches cartoons, and he is two, and a cat, so I really don’t think it is nice of you to be judging him. Does anyone want to come visit us? We can read story books and play games and drink tea and build a baby snowman with the centimeter of snow that has landed on my balcony.  Also, could you bring me a snow bagel?

Super Hero Senses

Ryan tells me that I have super hero hearing. Maybe he just tells me that I have super hearing abilities, but I like to think that he thinks of me as a super hero – or at least a super girlfriend with super hero senses. (Sometimes, when I repeat a word too many times … like the word “super” … it starts to sound completely wrong and makes me feel like my throat is closing up. Does this happen to you?) As super as it may sound, life with super hero hearing is actually not so super. In fact, I hate it. I can hear everything, and there is just no ignoring what the super ears hear. This usually results in a lack of sleep, which makes for a grumpy-ish Tessa. My best friend from Kindergarten, Katie, has a super hero nose and can name any smell in the world.  It is really entertaining to see what she’ll come up with – like “It smells like the dog food aisle at Harris Teeter with a splash of Tide laundry detergent and my brother’s skateboard wheel.” Really. Have you met her? She’s wonderful and sweet and incredibly beautiful with super model limbs and the hair of a goddess. My parents used to get a kick out of her and her super hero nose.

Now that you hate your hair after seeing Katie's, here are some of my thoughts on super hero vision:

I do not have it. And I do not want it. Do you want to know how I know that I do not want it? Okay. So, in our hotel room, we have one of those mirrors that magnify your face like a jillion times. Do you know these mirrors? They are round and on a stand and can flip over and usually have a light. I think people with super hero vision can probably see the entire world magnified a jillion times like what we can see in these mirrors. But they see this way all the time. It isn’t something they can turn on and off, or choose to use only when it is needed, but it is something they are just stuck with (kind of like my super hero hearing). Do I need to tell you that the world magnified a jillion times isn’t going to be pretty? Hmm, well … it isn’t. Terrible things happen when you can see your face a jillion times bigger than it really is. I mean, my pores – they’re the size of moon craters, and there are many other strange and unpleasant things that I wish not to discuss. Although they are great for putting on mascara (I love mascara), I think I would probably pick my face off if I owned one of these mirrors. So, if you have one in your house – even if it is tucked away in the back corner of your bathroom closet shelf – I suggest you throw it away immediately. Right now. Go!

Today we will be leaving the super hero vision mirror and the Island of Kiawah behind. Ryan and I played with the idea of staying the night in Charleston, but I think we have vetoed it and settled for a quick drive through and maybe some lunch and shopping instead. We hear there is supposed to be a ferocious snow storm (like maybe 2 centimeters and one gust of wind?) back in Charlotte, so I think we are just going to extend our vacation back home and stay safe uptown.

Do you know how much I miss Rex? A lot. I had dreams about him and woke up happy. I think he is part super hero cat though, and he knows when I am thinking about him. I hope I’m right.

Stopping Hunger and Un-Chopping Pillows

Today we spent two hours stopping hunger. I played the important role of the dried vegetable scooper, which was the third step at our assembly table. Most tables consisted of four or five workers, but ours had seven, so basically, we were badass. The steps in the Stop Hunger Now project are as follows:

1) Place a bag under a funnel.
2) Add a cup of dried soy.
3) Add a chicken favored vitamin.
4) Add a scoop of dried vegetables.
5) Add a cup of rice.
6) Put the bag in a box to be weighed and sealed.
7) Repeat 50,400 times.

For real. 50,400 meals were made today; each meal only costs $0.25 to make, and it feeds seven people. That’s a lot of people, people. The meals are going to Haiti, which is wonderful. But the dried veggies smelled like the soup mix that my mom makes spinach dip with, so I’m not really sure I’ll ever be able to eat that again.

Now we are back in our room, and I think if I took a bath I would make soup from all of the soy dust and vegetable aromas that are embedded in my skin. Oh, and since you were wondering, the answer is yes, we can step off of the bed into an opening in the wall and crawl through the other side and end up in the bath tub. It’s actually pretty neat; Ryan has done it once and I have probably done it about seven times. The bath tub is empty, of course. I like to think of it as an obstacle and a shortcut. Also, here at The Sanctuary, they karate chop their pillows. Have you heard of such a thing? There are probably close to a zillion pillows in this place, and it has been done to every single one of them (except for the ones in our room, which I have un-chopped). It’s so bizarre and obviously done very purposefully, but it makes all of the pillows look terribly sad. I will have to gather some photos, but they basically fluff up three pillows, put them into place, then say “Kiawah! Kiawah! Kiawah!” while they karate chop the top-center of each one. I haven’t exactly seen this happen, but I know it is true. I kind of feel like I am at Hogwarts – you know, the castle school from Harry Potter – and tonight, I’m going to wear my invisibility cloak and un-chop all of the pillows. Do you think I will get caught? I think it would be really hard to catch someone wearing an invisibility cloak. In fact, this morning I was in the shower and lost the cap to my razor, which is clear, and I thought: “Wow, it is really hard to find things that are invisible.” And I don’t think anyone can really argue with that.

Kiawah Island

Kiawah, Kiawah, Kiawah. If you say it three times fast, and with the correct enthusiasm and emphasis, you will feel like you are making the appropriate noises to star in an action packed kung-fu movie. Ryan and I are at The Sanctuary on Kiawah Island – near Charleston, SC. Today is the first day of his work’s leadership conference, and so far we have had a pretty relaxing time … not too much leadership or conferencing going on quite yet.

After being pulled over and given a warning by a 13 year old police officer, we arrived at the Sanctuary around midnight and set up shop in our room – fully equipped with handmade furniture and an ocean view. We did a little exploring and checked out the stars and the sand and the sea. This morning, we rose and attended breakfast – a yummy whole grain bagel and a fresh fruit salad, pineapple juice, water, and coffee. After breakfast, we revisited the sand and the sea – to see what it looked like in the daylight – and found bunches of starfish that had washed up with the last change of the tide. I love starfish, and it made me sad that they didn’t make it to eat and breathe from their bellies and crawl their five legged crawls around the ocean floor. Also, did they go through an official name change in the past twenty years? I feel like they are maybe called seastars now and will get offended if I call them starfish. Kind of like the Indian and Native American situation, but not so much?

Do you love the ocean? I do. It feels and smells like home to me.

After our walk on the beach, we got spa treatments, which were absolutely amazing. I was nervous about separating from Ryan to go to the girls’ side of the spa, but once I had my snazzy robe and plastic sandals, I was okay. Did you know I get really bad anxiety about being in new places and situations? Especially when there is the possibility of getting lost. Which I did. Lots of times. Who knew there were so many doors in a spa? We got there about 45 minutes early to use the saunas and steamrooms and pools, but I’m not very experienced in the spa setting, so I didn’t really know what to do with myself. (Maybe I just need more experience and practice? Okay!) Thus, I stepped into the sauna and had flash backs to Vegas in August, so I got out, sat on a chair, and drank two glasses of water. Thus, I had to pee a zillion times, and even had to get up in the middle of my massage to pee and almost fell down because my feet were so slippery from the lotion. Embarrassing. And then I got the giggles because I walk like a duck and she kept trying to straighten out my legs and feet, but I was so relaxed that they just kept flopping over and out. During the giggles, I had what felt like a sack of tea scented sand and rice covering my face, so I couldn’t even make eye contact to tell her I had the giggles, which made me giggle even more and tried to think of not funny things – like naming all 50 states (which I’ve been thinking about a lot lately). But the massage was wonderful – thank you, Ryan’s company – and we got to listen to Citizen Cope, which made my heart happy. Do you love Citizen Cope? You should. We listen to them every Sunday, so every Sunday we have happy hearts, which is good, because our hearts might be sad on Monday when we have to go back to work.

After the spa, we ordered room service, which was disappointing. Ryan said room service is always disappointing, which is even more disappointing, because I think you should be able to get the finest of fines in your room. I think we should play Phase 10 to get over the disappointment, and then begin to get ready for dinner. I might quiz him on the 50 states. Can you name them all? I only know half of the “50 Nifty United States” song, so that only gets me through the N states. But I think I forget some. And I forget some other letters too … there are just way too many. I think we should downsize.